哈佛畢業(yè)生30周年同學(xué)聚會(huì)，揭開(kāi)30個(gè)人生真相，看完淚奔……

這篇文章作者分享了作為哈佛校友參加畢業(yè)30周年同學(xué)會(huì)所發(fā)現(xiàn)的30個(gè)人生真相，引人深思。

這個(gè)世界的天之驕子們是否像我們所想象的那樣，對(duì)待人生就像對(duì)待蕓蕓眾生，有一種不可一世的優(yōu)越感？還是說(shuō)，他們與凡人一樣，都會(huì)經(jīng)歷和感受同樣的喜怒哀樂(lè)？

What I Learned About Life at My 30th College Reunion

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On the weekend before the opening gavel of what’s being dubbed the Harvard affirmative-action trial, a record-breaking 597 of my fellow members of the class of ’88 and I, along with alumni from other reunion classes, were seated in a large lecture hall, listening to the new president of Harvard, Lawrence Bacow, address the issue of diversity in the admissions process. What he said—and I’m paraphrasing, because I didn’t record it—was that he could fill five whole incoming classes with valedictorians who’d received a perfect score on the SAT, but that’s not what Harvard is or will ever be. Harvard tries—and succeeds, to my mind—to fill its limited spots with a diversity not only of race and class but also of geography, politics, interests, intellectual fields of study, and worldviews.

I loved my four years at Harvard, largely because of the diversity of its student body. I don’t love the fact—now made public through the trial but previously understood by all of us to be true—that the kids whose parents donate buildings are given preferential treatment over those whose parents don’t. But I understand why the development office, which allows the university to give a free ride to any student whose family makes less than $65,000 a year, might encourage such a practice, which is hardly unique to Harvard. I also don’t love the fact that the Harvard fight song is still “Ten Thousand Men of Harvard,” in a school populated by at least as many women as men, and yet hearing its opening notes can still make me deeply nostalgic. Moreover, I am appalled that all-male final clubs—fraternity-like eating clubs in which the sons of America’s privileged class have traditionally gathered—still exist on campus (albeit with sanctions) without commensurate opportunities, with rare exceptions, for women, minorities, and others, but I also call some of their alumni members my closest friends.

Intelligence, it has been said, is the ability to hold two opposing ideas at the same time and still function, and if universities could be said to have one overriding goal as institutions of higher learning, it is to teach its students this critical skill, Harvard no more than others. Seeing the coin from either of its two sides has never been more important, particularly now, in this nuance-lacking era of divisiveness and nationalism. It’s no wonder that in fascist regimes, the intellectuals are always the first to be silenced.

I believe in the benefits of diversity, even if it means choosing an immigrant kid with a lower-than-usual SAT score (for Harvard) but other stellar qualities, like Thang Q. Diep, Harvard class of ’19, whose application has been trotted out by the lawsuit for all to see. And I’m also aware, as a Jew, that Harvard’s diversity initiative was first put into motion as a way to keep the university’s burgeoning Jewish population in check. I can hold both of these truths—diversity is good; the roots of diversity in the admissions process were prejudiced against my own people—and not only still be able to function but also to see that sometimes good results can come from less-than-good intentions.

Because the point of diversity on a college campus, no matter its less-than-honorable roots, is not to count how many brown faces versus how many white and black faces a school has. It is to provide a rainbow of politics and upbringings and thought processes and understandings that might teach us, through our differences, how similar we are.

Though we all went to the same school, and Harvard’s name likely opened doors for many of us, at the end of the day—or at the end of 30 years since graduation, in this case—what was so fascinating about meeting up with my own richly diverse class during reunion was that no matter our original background, no matter our current income or skin color or struggles or religion or health or career path or family structure, the common threads running through our lives had less to do with Harvard and more with the pressing issues of being human.

Life does this. To everyone. No matter if or where they go to college. At a certain point midway on the timeline of one’s finite existence, the differences between people that stood out in youth take a backseat to similarities, with that mother of all universal themes—a sudden coming to grips with mortality—being the most salient. Not that this is an exhaustive list, but here are 30 simple shared truths I discovered at my 30th reunion of Harvard’s class of 1988.

作者：eborah Copaken，美國(guó)作家和攝影記者；譯者：王培。

對(duì)每個(gè)人來(lái)說(shuō)，無(wú)論他/她是否讀大學(xué)，或者無(wú)論讀的是哪所大學(xué)，來(lái)到有限生命的中點(diǎn)，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)年輕時(shí)優(yōu)秀的學(xué)生與當(dāng)時(shí)平庸的學(xué)生之間已不存在太大的區(qū)別，而生命卻成為了大家最關(guān)注的話(huà)題：突然都關(guān)心起死亡來(lái)。

以下清單并不全面，但卻是我在參加哈佛大學(xué)1988屆學(xué)子畢業(yè)30周年同學(xué)會(huì)時(shí)所發(fā)現(xiàn)的30個(gè)大家都認(rèn)同的人生真相：

1、沒(méi)有誰(shuí)的人生一如自己預(yù)期，順風(fēng)順?biāo)?，哪怕是最精明的人生?guī)劃者也沒(méi)能做到這一點(diǎn)。

No one’s life turned out exactly as anticipated, not even for the most ardent planner.

2、凡是成為老師或醫(yī)生的同學(xué)似乎都對(duì)自己的職業(yè)選擇感到滿(mǎn)意。

Every classmate who became a teacher or doctor seemed happy with the choice of career.

3、很多律師似乎要么對(duì)自己的職業(yè)不甚滿(mǎn)意，要么希望換個(gè)職業(yè)，但法律教授除外，后者的職業(yè)滿(mǎn)意度與第2條相似。

Many lawyers seemed either unhappy or itching for a change, with the exception of those who became law professors. (See No. 2 above.)

4、幾乎每個(gè)銀行家或基金經(jīng)理都希望找到一種方法，用自己積累的財(cái)富回饋社會(huì)（有些已有具體的計(jì)劃，有些還沒(méi)有）。到了這把年紀(jì)，他們中的很多人似乎希望盡快離開(kāi)華爾街，然后投身某項(xiàng)藝術(shù)事業(yè)。

Nearly every single banker or fund manager wanted to find a way to use accrued wealth to give back (some had concrete plans, some didn’t), and many, at this point, seemed to want to leave Wall Street as soon as possible to take up some sort of art.

5、談到藝術(shù)，那些將藝術(shù)作為職業(yè)的同學(xué)對(duì)自己的選擇最為滿(mǎn)意，并且通常也能取得事業(yè)成功，然而某種程度上，他們卻一直都在為生計(jì)而奮斗。

Speaking of art, those who went into it as a career were mostly happy and often successful, but they had all, in some way, struggled financially.

6、他們說(shuō)金錢(qián)不能買(mǎi)來(lái)幸福，但在我們班同學(xué)會(huì)召開(kāi)前所做的在線調(diào)查表明，那些擁有更多財(cái)富的同學(xué)相比擁有較少財(cái)富的同學(xué)自認(rèn)為更加幸福。

They say money can’t buy happiness, but in an online survey of our class just prior to the reunion, those of us with more of it self-reported a higher level of happiness than those with less.

7、同一個(gè)在線調(diào)查顯示，我們最強(qiáng)烈的欲望既不是性愛(ài)，也不是財(cái)富，而是獲得更充足的睡眠。

Our strongest desire, in that same pre-reunion class survey—over more sex and more money—was to get more sleep.

8、“傳聲頭像”樂(lè)隊(duì)（Talking Heads）（譯注：美國(guó)著名的新浪潮樂(lè)團(tuán)，1975年組建，1991年解散）的《燒毀房子》（Burning Down the House）當(dāng)年是我們的班歌，如今到了2018年，我們對(duì)它的喜愛(ài)絲毫不減當(dāng)年。

“Burning Down the House,” our class’s favorite song, by the Talking Heads, is still as good and as relevant in 2018 as it was blasting out of our freshman dorms.

9、我們班當(dāng)年最害羞的同學(xué)現(xiàn)在很多都是著名校友了，他們參與組織了這次同學(xué)會(huì)和其他活動(dòng)。

Many of our class’s shyest freshmen have now become our alumni class leaders, helping to organize this reunion and others.

10、那些主動(dòng)選擇離婚的同學(xué)似乎在離婚后過(guò)得更開(kāi)心。

Those who chose to get divorced seemed happier, post-divorce.

11、那些被動(dòng)接受離婚的同學(xué)似乎在離婚后過(guò)得更不開(kāi)心。

Those who got an unwanted divorce seemed unhappier, post-divorce.

12、有很多維持了多年婚姻的同學(xué)說(shuō)，他們也曾處在離婚邊緣，一旦挺過(guò)來(lái)，他們?cè)缙诓怀墒斓幕橐鲫P(guān)系突然就變得更成熟了?！拔乙恢痹诮弑M全力經(jīng)營(yíng)好婚姻！”一個(gè)同學(xué)告訴我，她和她丈夫在參加一個(gè)特別有壓力的婚姻治療課上，她曾對(duì)自己的丈夫這么說(shuō)道。

Many classmates who are in long-lasting marriages said they experienced a turning point, when their early marriage suddenly transformed into a mature relationship. “I’m doing the best I can!” one classmate told me she said to her husband in the middle of a particularly stressful couples’-therapy session.

她說(shuō)，從那一刻起，丈夫開(kāi)始理解她：她的不完美對(duì)他而言并不是一種侮辱，她的行為也不可能是他的行為的延伸，能時(shí)刻與他保持一致。她必須做她自己，正是她的不完美才定義了她是誰(shuí)。在婚姻最痛苦的階段，很多夫婦忘記了這一點(diǎn)。

From that moment on, she said, he understood: Her imperfections were not an insult to him, and her actions were not an extension of him. She was her own person, and her imperfections were what made her her. Sometimes people forget this, in the thick of marriage.

13、幾乎所有的校友都認(rèn)為，年輕時(shí)的自己太幼稚，尤其是會(huì)輕易論斷別人。

Nearly all the alumni said they were embarrassed by their younger selves, particularly by how judgmental they used to be.

14、我們都對(duì)每個(gè)同學(xué)變得更為包容，這種友愛(ài)之情貫穿于整個(gè)同學(xué)會(huì)。我們似乎不再只把友情施與我們當(dāng)年關(guān)系最親密的同學(xué)；我們已經(jīng)加深了對(duì)何為愛(ài)的理解，試圖重新挽回曾經(jīng)失去的同學(xué)情誼。

We have all become far more generous with our I love you’s. They flew freely at the reunion. We don’t ration them out to only our intimates now, it seems; we have expanded our understanding of what love is, making room for long-lost friends.

15、無(wú)論我的同學(xué)們畢業(yè)后取得了何等成就——國(guó)會(huì)議員、托尼獎(jiǎng)（譯注：美國(guó)戲劇界最高獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)）最佳導(dǎo)演、宇航員——我們?cè)谕瑢W(xué)會(huì)的各種活動(dòng)中聊得最多的話(huà)題仍然是：對(duì)愛(ài)的渴望、人生慰藉、智識(shí)交流、如何成為更好的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者、對(duì)環(huán)保問(wèn)題的關(guān)注、友誼和安寧的人生。

No matter what my classmates grew up to be—a congressman, like Jim Himes; a Tony Award–winning director, like Diane Paulus; an astronaut, like Stephanie Wilson—at the end of the day, most of our conversations at the various parties and panel discussions throughout the weekend centered on a desire for love, comfort, intellectual stimulation, decent leaders, a sustainable environment, friendship, and stability.

16、幾乎所有養(yǎng)育了孩子的同學(xué)似乎都對(duì)他們的這一決定深感滿(mǎn)意，有些沒(méi)有孩子的同學(xué)很樂(lè)意選擇這種生活方式，而有些則有些后悔。

Nearly all the alumni with kids seemed pleased with their decision to have had them. Some without kids had happily chosen that route; others mourned not having them.

17、30年之后與寢室室友再去同一個(gè)酒吧喝一杯，其感受會(huì)比當(dāng)年更加有趣。

Drinks at a bar you used to go to with your freshman roommate are more fun 30 years later with that same freshman roommate.

18、只要有可能，盡量在老友的家里留宿，不要選擇在酒店過(guò)夜，除非你帶著新認(rèn)識(shí)的戀愛(ài)對(duì)象或者只在當(dāng)?shù)赝Ａ粢煌?。這些年來(lái)，我的有些同學(xué)似乎一直在干這件事：住酒店、住酒店、住酒店。

Staying at the house of an old friend, whenever possible, is preferable to spending a night in a hotel. Unless you’re trolling for a new spouse or a one-night stand, as some of my classmates seemed to have been doing, in which case: hotel, hotel, hotel.

19、在30周年同學(xué)會(huì)上，幾乎所有參加同學(xué)會(huì)的有配偶的同學(xué)都沒(méi)帶上自己的配偶，而是把他們留在了家里。

Nearly all the attendees who had spouses had, by the 30th reunion, left theirs at home.

20、這些年來(lái)，大多數(shù)同學(xué)的膝蓋、臀部和肩膀都有勞損。

Most of our knees, hips, and shoulders have taken a beating over time.

21、30年后，那些畢業(yè)后一直嗜酒如命的同學(xué)，歲月的滄桑寫(xiě)在了他們臉上。

A life spent drinking too much alcohol shows up, 30 years later, on the face.

22、總體而言，女同學(xué)在外貌上比男同學(xué)保養(yǎng)得更好。

For the most part, the women fared much better than the men in the looks department.

23、總體而言，男同學(xué)在發(fā)揮潛能和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力方面比女同學(xué)做得更好，這真是令人驚訝啊，驚訝。

For the most part, the men fared much better than the women—surprise, surprise—in the earning-potential-and-leadership department.

24、沒(méi)有帶薪產(chǎn)假、沒(méi)有經(jīng)濟(jì)能力照顧好孩子會(huì)對(duì)同學(xué)們的人生產(chǎn)生深遠(yuǎn)影響，受到這類(lèi)影響的大多是女同學(xué)，她們的事業(yè)發(fā)展受挫，不得不對(duì)人生做出妥協(xié)，也失去了財(cái)富。

A lack of affordable child care and paid maternity leave had far-reaching implications for many of our classmates, most of them female: careers derailed, compromises made, money lost.

25、當(dāng)哈佛大學(xué)紀(jì)念教堂（Memorial Church）頂上的吊鐘敲響了27下，以紀(jì)念畢業(yè)后去世的27個(gè)同學(xué)時(shí)，在內(nèi)心深處，我們所有人都知道，這些鐘聲在未來(lái)30年響起的次數(shù)只會(huì)越來(lái)越多。

When the bell atop Memorial Church tolled 27 times to mark the passing of 27 classmates since graduation, we all understood, on a visceral level, that these tolls will increase exponentially over the next 30 years.

26、有些同學(xué)為去世的同學(xué)合唱了幾首紀(jì)念之歌，他們從來(lái)沒(méi)為此做過(guò)事先排練，但聽(tīng)上去就像他們?yōu)榇伺啪毩撕脦字?，哪怕在?lè)隊(duì)指揮之下他們唱的是原創(chuàng)新歌。

It is possible to put together a memorial-service chorus of former alumni, none of whom have ever practiced with one another, and make it sound as if they’d been practicing together for weeks. Even while performing a new and original piece by the choral conductor.

27、在50歲出頭的年紀(jì)，同學(xué)們似乎迫不及待地想要說(shuō)出真心話(huà)，對(duì)他人表達(dá)感激和友善，以免錯(cuò)失機(jī)會(huì)。我的一個(gè)室友為1984年發(fā)生的一件事感謝了我。一個(gè)沒(méi)怎么打過(guò)交道的同學(xué)看了我寫(xiě)的《紅書(shū)》（Red Book）——該書(shū)記錄了我們畢業(yè)5周年的活動(dòng)，其中講述了我曾經(jīng)自己打Uber去急救室的經(jīng)歷——他告訴我，他原意為我支付下一次安排救護(hù)車(chē)的費(fèi)用，邊說(shuō)還邊從錢(qián)包里拿出一大疊鈔票?！爸x謝你的好意，”我笑著對(duì)他說(shuō)，“但我可沒(méi)有計(jì)劃很快再次重返急救室?！?/p>

In our early 50s, people seem to feel a pressing need to speak truths and give thanks and kindness to one another before it’s too late to do so. One of my freshman roommates thanked me for something that happened in 1984. A classmate who was heretofore a stranger, but who had read my entry in the red book, our quinquennial alumni report—in which I recounted having taken an Uber Pool to the emergency room—offered to pay for my ambulance next time, even going so far as to yank a large pile of bills out of his pocket. “That’s okay,” I told him, laughing. “I don’t plan to return to the emergency room anytime soon. ”

28、那些失去了孩子的同學(xué)學(xué)會(huì)了堅(jiān)韌和感激，這些品格鼓舞了所有的同學(xué)。“不要為失去她之后的歲月感到悲痛，”我的一個(gè)同學(xué)在紀(jì)念她女兒的悼念會(huì)上說(shuō)，她女兒是哈佛大學(xué)2019屆學(xué)生，于去年夏天去世。“相反，我們要感激她在21年的歲月中所散發(fā)出的光彩。”

Those who’d lost a child had learned a kind of resilience and gratitude that was instructive to all of us. “Don’t grieve over the years she didn’t get to live,” said one of our classmates, at a memorial service for her daughter, Harvard class of 2019, who died last summer. “Rather, feel grateful for the 21 years she was able to shine her light.”

29、那些經(jīng)歷了生死考驗(yàn)或者仍在面臨考驗(yàn)的同學(xué)似乎在同學(xué)會(huì)上最為興奮。“我們?nèi)匀换钪?！”我?duì)我的朋友說(shuō)道，他曾經(jīng)經(jīng)營(yíng)了一家健康公司，當(dāng)癌癥擴(kuò)散開(kāi)來(lái)后，他做了面部一側(cè)的切除手術(shù)。當(dāng)我們想起我們可能差點(diǎn)因此而見(jiàn)不到面時(shí)，我們像孩子一樣歡笑、嬉鬧，情不自禁地相互擁抱，彼此微笑。

Those of us who’d experienced the trauma of near death—or who are still facing it—seemed the most elated to be at reunion. “We’re still here!” I said to my friend, who used to run a health company and had a part of the side of his face removed when his cancer, out of nowhere, went haywire. We were giggling, giddy as toddlers, practically bouncing on our toes, unable to stop hugging each other and smiling as we recounted the gruesome particulars of our near misses.

30、也許愛(ài)不是你全部所需，但正如一個(gè)同學(xué)告訴我的，“它真的很治愈！”

Love is not all you need, but as one classmate told me, “it definitely helps.”